Case Closed: A Simoun Spoof

Something I posted a little while ago to the LJ community that I thought I'd share here too~


"Come on, Alti!"
"Shut up, Floe. If you want to go by yourself, then go. Otherwise shut up."
The two young women were supposed to be at the staff meeting fifteen minutes ago, but Alti was glued to the computer screen.
"What are you even doing? We're gonna get busted for this. You know AD Guragief likes punctuality."
Alti responded by throwing a nearby book at her partner. She didn't bother looking to see which one it was.
"Okay, okay. I'll shut up. But at least tell me what you're doing."
"None of your business."
By "none of your business", Alti meant using CIA resources to track every step her sister Kaimu made. Why? Because Agent Alti was secretly in love with her sister. But she couldn't bring herself to confess, especially since that would put her career at risk, and she couldn't afford to lose all the resources the CIA had to offer. No, better to watch from afar. Much better. Oh, look. A piece of gum on the bottom of Kaimu's shoe. Fascinating.
Alti looked at her watch. Christ, she thought, I'm gonna eat it today.
"Let's go, Floe."
"Fi-na-lly. We're dead, you know. But you're dead first. It's all your fault you know -"
Alti tuned out her partner's annoying chatter. As the pair reached the conference room, she braced for the worst and walked in on the meeting.
"Agents Alti and Floe. So glad you could make it," Assistant Director Guragief sarcastically welcomed them. "Have a seat agents."


"I can't believe that girl! She's gonna get me fired, and then what am I gonna do?"
"Calm down Floe. I'm sure Alti isn't intentionally getting you in trouble."
"Why are you taking her side, Wapourif? If she wants to throw her career away, that's her business. But she doesn't have to drag me down with her."
"I'm not taking anyone's side, I just think Alti probably has issues she needs to sort through right now. You think I'd side against my own girlfriend?"
The two were sitting in the reception area of Wapourif's Car Service & Repair, owned and operated by Wapourif. In fact, now that Eri had moved back to the country, he did all the work himself. If only he could find an assistant...
"Are you even listening?"
"Sorry, I was thinking."
"Whatever. I'm gonna head home and then go shopping."
"Should you be shopping while you're on suspension? They aren't paying you or anything..."
"So? What else am I supposed to do?"
"Well -"
"See ya!"
"Uh... okay."
As Wapourif watched his girlfriend walk out through the front door, he thought about closing up for the day. Hell, who's gonna call in for repairs on a Wednesday? But just then, the phone rang.
"Uh, Wapourif's Car Servi-"
"Hi, I saw your ad in the paper. About an assistant," a woman's voice cut him off. She didn't sound very old, could she be serious? Maybe it was just a kid screwing with him...
"Do you have any experience with auto repair?"
"HA, do I have any experience? Let me come down and show you what I can do!"
"Uh, okay fine. Do you know how to -" Wapourif was cut off again by a click indicating the young woman had hung up. He sighed and put down his own phone. He considered not waiting for the girl to show up, but just as he was heading to the office to gather his things he heard a car pull into the parking lot out front. He turned to see a young woman, her hair dyed white, getting out of a lime green vintage Chevelle SS. He stood completely still as she walked through the door and introduced herself.
"Hi there, Wapourif is it? I'm Morinas, your new partner." She gave him a wink and pulled out a set of tools. Wapourif had no idea where she pulled them out from, but he didn't care. This girl was beautiful, and she had tools. And she looked like she knew how to use them.
"So uh, got somethin' I can work on to prove myself?"
"Uh... yeah, sure. Right this way..."


"Para-sama! Hurry, or we'll be late!"
"I know, Kaimu," Paraietta called back as she finished getting dressed. She didn't want to be late for lunch with Neviril anymore than her roommate did, but there was no sense in rushing. That would just cause her to make a mistake. Everything had to be perfect.
"Let's go, Kaimu." As they walked down the stairs of their apartment, and then out onto the street, the silence between them became too much for Kaimu.
"Para-sama, did you get that promotion that you've been talking about?"
"No. Dominura got it."
"What? So now she's store manager? You deserve that position more than she does. She's only been there a few months, while you've been working hard for three years now! That's really unfair."
"She was more qualified. It's not her fault."
"Is that so..."
"Also, she needs the money more than I do. She has an adopted daughter you know."
"Oh, that Limone brat? Dominura brought her into the cafe once. All she does is eat sweets!"
"Kaimu."
"Sorry Para-sama..."
The rest of the way to the cafe they walked in silence, save for Kaimu mentioning how it would be weird for her to be in there as a customer instead of an employee. They saw Neviril and Aaeru sitting at one of the outdoor tables, with food for all four already on it.
"Kaimu, Paraietta! It's good to see you guys!" The ever vocal Aaeru jumped up from her seat to hug the pair.
"Aaeru. How have you been?"
"Oh, you know Paraietta. Footloose and fancy free! What about you?
"Hungry."
"Oh, sorry! Have a seat and dig in!"
The girls sat down and, after a few bites, Paraietta turned to Neviril.
"You really should look for a job, Neviril. How long do you think your father will allow you to continue living with him without making yourself useful?"
"You know Father. As long as I don't give him a bad name he doesn't care what I do."
"But still..."
"Paraietta, we've had this discussion before. Aaeru and I are happy just having fun for now. If we feel like getting jobs, then we'll do so. Please respect our wishes."
"Of course. I was just trying to help. I hate seeing your intellect wasted. And Aaeru, you could have gotten so many well-paying jobs. I've seen you fly, you're magnificent. You really belong up there."
"Gee, thanks Paraietta. But I'm with Neviril on this."
"As you wish..."
"Hey, Kaimu."
"Yes, Aaeru?"
"Have you talked to Alti lately? I've been trying to get a hold of Floe but I haven't had any luck. I thought I might try through Alti."
"Haven't heard from her."
"Well can you try calling her or something?"
"Don't know her number."
"Bull-"
"Aaeru. Drop it."
"Well excuse me, Para-sama." Aaeru pouted but returned to her food. No sense in starting another fight. That would just upset Neviril.


"Remind me again why we're at the library?"
"You're here because it would look weird if I was in here by myself."
"Alti, it looks weirder if we're both in here. I never go to the library."
"Oh... I guess you're right. Nevermind that, you're here now."
"Not for long. I'm gonna go someplace less boring."
"Floe? Why're you in the library?"
"Aaeru! I was just leaving. But... why're you in here?"
"The have games in the back. You can check them out just like books."
"No way! Show me!"
"Girls, please remember that we're in a library. Inside voices if you please."
"Sorry, Yun. I guess Floe and I got a bit carried away."
"Mm." Yun, the librarian, was slightly upset for having to get up from reading her book. And it was such a good book, too. As she made her way back to the front desk, she spotted her assistant Rodoreamon talking to a young woman in the Cooking section.
"Rodoreamon, you aren't paid to chitchat. Get back to work putting the returned books away."
"Oh, I'm sorry Yun. Mamiina was telling me about -"
"I don't care what she was telling you. Back to work."
"Y-yes ma'am..."
"Can I help you... Mamiina?"
"Hmph. That was pretty mean. She didn't stop working for five minutes."
"Yes, well the books don't put themselves back on their shelves."
"Whatever. I think you should give her a break. She's a hard worker and doesn't deserve to be bossed around."
"I don't need you to tell me how to do my job. I think you should leave now."
"I think you're right." As Mamiina walked towards the door, she was knocked over by Floe, who had been running in the same direction while looking back at Aaeru.
"Watch where you're going, idiot!"
"Well, you watch where you're going!"
"I'm not the one who ran into someone else!"
"Well who cares what you think!" With that both girls walked out the door and headed in opposite directions; Mamiina to the cafe and Floe to Wapourif's shop. Neither had noticed that Alti was looking through empty spaces on the bookshelves at her sister.


"You're really good. If you still want to work here, you're hired."
"Yay! When do I start?"
"Well I'm closing up soon, so how does tomorrow sound?"
"Great! I'm Morinas, by the way."
"Morinas. What pretty name."
"Haha thanks. You know, you're pretty cute."
"Uh... That's a pretty nice car you have there."
"Oh, she runs like a dream! Come on, take a look!" Morinas half led, half dragged Wapourif over to the Chevelle, opened the driver's-side door and pushed him in, before sliding over the hood and getting in on the passenger side.
"Amazing, isn't it? Look at that dash, fully restored!"
"Did you do all this yourself?"
"Damn straight I did! I've been working on this baby since junior high."
"Wow. You really know your way around cars."
"That's not all I know my way around," Morinas replied with another wink.
"Wapourif! What are you doing in that car with that girl?"
"Floe! Uh, Morinas was just showing me how she's restored this -"
"Uh huh. Morinas was just leaving, am I right?"
"Actually, she's my new -"
"Yeah, was just leaving. Thanks for the... job, Wapourif," she said with one last wink. Wapourif got out of the car, and Morinas somehow got into the seat he had been occupying before he could turn around.
"See ya tomorrow!" Morinas backed out of her parking space before hitting the gas and disappearing.
"What an insane driver! She's gonna get someone killed! Why did you hire a girl like that?"
"She's perfect..."
"What?"
"For the job I mean... Perfect for the job..."
"Uh huh. I've got my eye on you. Better not screw things up."


"I can't believe that girl you're working for! She's a slave driver!"
"Mamiina. Yun's not that bad once you get to know her. She just runs a tight ship."
"Maybe you're right..." Mamiina decided not to pursue the topic further. No need to give her roommate a hard time.
"How was work?"
"Funny you ask. Kaimu had lunch with Paraietta and two other girls. It was kind of weird to be serving my own employee, but I couldn't say hello. They seemed to be having a pretty intense conversation."
"Wow."
"Hey, I think you have some food on your face. Here, let me get it." Mamiina rose to wipe Rodoreamon's face with her napkin, but her face looked just the same after. "Oh, I guess those are just freckles," she said with a laugh.
"Mamiina," Rodoreamon giggled, " you knew they were freckles, didn't you?"
"Maybe... what if I did?"
"You're silly."
"I must be getting it from you, Girl-Who-Sleeps-With-Weird-Plushies." They both giggled at that, and Mamiina wished she could go on living like this forever.