Don't Go

Someone, or maybe it was more than just one, had mentioned an idea for a fic like this before. I'd never written it because I had no idea what I wanted to do. I finally figured it out earlier today and wrote it out tonight.

Title: Don't Go
Author: DigiExpert
Rating: PG
Summary: Everyone has that deep fear in some form. It tends to manifest itself in various ways, just as it does for Neviril.


She awoke that morning to find Aaeru calmly dressing herself. Sleep still clouded her eyes as she tried to figure out why Aaeru was awake so early; the sun was just rising outside the window of their bedroom. They usually slept past sunset, one of them waking the other. Yet, here Aaeru stood, already up and dressing. She shook her head to clear away the last of sleep.

“Aaeru, what are you doing?” she asked. “Why are you up so early?”

“Because I’m leaving, Neviril,” stated Aaeru matter o’ factly.

“Leaving? What do you mean by that?”

She watched as Aaeru pulled the shirt over her head, silent. She waited patiently and heard the heavy sigh as Aaeru turned to look at her. “I’m leaving you. I can’t stay anymore.”

Ignoring the sudden sick feeling in her stomach, Neviril looked to the girl she loved. “Leaving? But why? Why are you going?”

Another sigh, as though Neviril should already know the answer. “I don’t want to look for her anymore. That’s all you ever do. I tried to help, but you just want her. It’s not me you want.”

“How can you say that, Aaeru?” Neviril rose shakily from the bed, moving toward Aaeru. She reached out to touch Aaeru’s arm, but Aaeru shrugged her off, as though burned by her touch.

“No, Neviril. Not anymore. Just let me go.”

“I won’t. You can’t leave. You’re my pair.” Her voice began to crack as she realized that Aaeru was serious about her intent.

“No. I was your pair. You only needed me to perform the Emerald so that you could look for her. You only told me lies.” Aaeru sat on the edge of the bed, slipping on her shoes. There was no sadness in her voice, no hint of it only being a passing mood.

“I didn’t lie to you, Aaeru. I do love you.” Her voice was merely above a whisper now. Still, Aaeru didn’t look at her. Her face was intent on tying the laces on the shoes. Neviril wished she’d look up, wished that this wasn’t really happening.

“You don’t have to tell me another lie, Neviril. It’s for the best. You want to be with her so find her. You don’t need me though.” Aaeru rose from the bed, and headed for the door. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

“But you can’t fly the Simoun by yourself,” protested Neviril. It was a last straw tactic. She didn’t know what else to do.

“I know that. I’ll find my own way. You just find her. That’s what you wanted all along.” Aaeru opened the bedroom door and was gone. She never returned, never said another word.

Neviril heard the front door slam and knew that Aaeru was gone. Aaeru wouldn’t come back and she wouldn’t believe Neviril. Can I believe myself? wondered Neviril. She wasn’t sure. Her feet were sure and they moved quickly. She found herself running, throwing open the front door and giving chase.

Aaeru was there, in the distance, moving at the same pace. If she ran fast enough, she could catch her. The country road became city street and still she could not close the distance between them. In fact, the distance seemed to be widening. People crossed in front of her, creating more obstacles for her to overcome. She pushed past them, determined to catch up to Aaeru. That was all she wanted to do. She didn’t want to see things end this way.

The throngs became thicker. She dodged cars and signs and all the while that familiar blonde head with the odangos was slipping further and further away. She found her chest heaving heavily; she was running out of air to continue running, but she doggedly pressed on. Her legs burned, not used to so much running at once, but still she pressed on.

Finally, she had to stop and catch her breath. Her legs felt wobbly beneath her; she fell to her knees, unable to stand on her own two feet. She looked ahead, but could no longer see Aaeru in front of her. She was gone. Forever. And Neviril had no idea how to find her or get her back. She tried to pull herself to her feet again, but found she didn’t have the energy to run anymore, no matter how she tried. Hot tears streamed down her face. Why had Aaeru said such things?

The sound of a loud horn drew her attention, and she realized that she was in the middle of the road. A large, bulky vehicle was headed toward her. She held up her hand and squeezed her eyes closed.

The next thing she knew, she was staring at the ceiling in the darkness, panting heavily. Her hand gripped at her chest. A dream. A nightmare. That was all it had been. Fear gripped at her. Had it been? She sat up quickly, and looked around her. A sigh of relief crossed her lips. There was Aaeru, curled into herself, sleeping by her side. Bits and pieces of the dream floated back to her, and she found herself shaking Aaeru’s shoulders gently.

“Aaeru? Aaeru, wake up, please,” she whispered softly.

The smaller girl stirred slowly, groaning. Her eyes opened, and she rolled over. “Whazit?” she asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

“I can’t sleep,” whispered Neviril. “I can’t sleep.”

Aaeru sat up quickly when she noticed that Neviril was crying. “Neviril… what’s wrong?”

“You… you left me…” mumbled the other girl, rubbing at her face to clear the tears, but only finding more falling.

A confused look crossed Aaeru’s face. “I didn’t leave you, Neviril. I’m right here,” she stated, surprised.

Neviril shook her head. “In my dream… you left me. You said I didn’t love you and only wanted Amuria instead. You left, and I couldn’t catch you. I lost you.” Sobs now, softly as she shook with the images in her mind.

Fully awake now, Aaeru pulled Neviril to her, holding her close. “I wouldn’t leave you, Neviril. I wouldn’t do that.” Neviril only sobbed against her nightshirt and Aaeru wondered how to console her. She wasn’t sure she knew what to do besides hold her. She began whispering instead. “I know you love me. I know you want to find Amuria too and see that she’s safe. I’m not going to leave you, Neviril. I’m not going to leave you.”

She cried until her sobs began to die away and she felt the comfort of Aaeru’s arms around her. She breathed in deeply. Aaeru wasn’t gone. Aaeru was still there. She felt Aaeru’s lips on the side of her face and then heard her whisper, “I love you.” She looked up then, and met Aaeru’s eyes.

“Are you all right?” asked Aaeru. She wasn’t sure what else to try. How was she to know what to do or what Neviril needed?

A thought crossed Neviril’s mind then. She’d never asked Aaeru for it before, but she felt as though it was something she needed in that moment. She didn’t want to lose Aaeru’s touch that night. “Would you… would you hold me?” she asked softly. She looked down, not sure how Aaeru would answer. Usually she was the one who held Aaeru as they slept, but she felt that that wouldn’t do tonight. She needed something different.

“Um… sure, Neviril. I can do that.” She lay down and pulled Neviril with her. She took a few moments to try to find a position that was comfortable to her. Finally, she slipped one arm beneath Neviril’s neck and the other over her stomach, her arm sliding against Neviril’s.

Neviril felt Aaeru settle and felt her arm slip over her stomach. With her own hand, she picked up Aaeru’s and gently kissed her knuckles. She held her hand over Aaeru’s, and closed her eyes as she felt Aaeru’s leg slip between hers. She was safe here. Now she understood why Aaeru enjoyed being held by her. There was nothing like being in the embrace of the one you loved, and knowing that you were loved.

The dream popped into her mind again, but she was able to push it away this time. Aaeru wasn’t going to leave her. Aaeru loved her, and cared for her. The dream wasn’t real, no matter how real it seemed. She had the real thing beside her, and that was something she wouldn’t let go.